Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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