I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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