Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
