ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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