Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
