if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
