i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
