Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
