i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
