im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
