ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
