kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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