My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize