wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
