im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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