Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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