I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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