3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
