He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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