I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
