omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Randomize
