you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
