its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
