His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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