I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
pray to the hookup gods
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
