Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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