You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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