I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
one might say we're banned from that church
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Enjoy the penises
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize