True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
