So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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