I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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