I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
