First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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