I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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