This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
