If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
