The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize