Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
