I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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