Your dad touched me again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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