I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think my fart just growled at me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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