the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nutella sex= disaster
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
