Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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