one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we're chasing vodka with high fives
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
where are my eyebrows?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
