forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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