Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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