She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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