I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
