my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
