there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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