sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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