So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
