I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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