NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
