this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
that is very illegal...i love you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
