I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
