It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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