lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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