is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
