i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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