proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
