i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
