dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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