we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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