No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
