I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
