so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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