im drinking this country out of the recession.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
