When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
