i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
