I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
