so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
