lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
