soooo we both peed the bed last night...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
