We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
