omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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