I am spending my child support on dildos
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
