You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize