see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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