Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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