when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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